Say Anything is one of the greatest movies of all time.
I’ve had the amazing experience lately of being able to relive the 80’s again, but in a whole new way. Recently I had the joy of interviewing my dear old friend and new author Kari Luna on my radio show (here’s the link to that show:http://paramaniaradio.com/On-Demand.php?ondemanddir=Traveling%20Psychic%20Supper%20Club )- she wrote a bad ass book all about the 80’s, mixed tapes and kooky wonderful outfits, which also includes physics, loving friends and a wonderful story. Her book is called The Theory of Everything. You should read it. it’s Awesome. The 80’s were Awesome! And we lived it. The music the clothes, the awkward situations… everything….SO – I watched Say Anything this morning with my daughter, who is 15. I just let her watch it, and didn’t add anything. That’s the way to watch a movie like that, without any extra stuff to think about. But here’s the stuff I wanted to say:
Actually, I’m not going to tell you the things I wanted to say about the movie or the people in the movie and where they are now… I’ll see what everyone remembers about the movie, how it made you feel, or what you think of it now, watching it again as an adult or watching it for the first time. I’d love it if you added a comment about your thoughts on Say Anything…..Either way, watch it. This is something I got out of it….and was thinking about as I was watching it.
I am lucky. NO – I am tremendously lucky. Diane, the main character in the movie has this wonderful relationship with her father, where she can literally say anything. It made me start thinking about the people in my life, and how I too, can say anything. I am amazingly grateful for this. It has to do with dropping fear. For me, but also for the people around me, not being afraid. In the past few weeks I’ve had some opportunities to tell someone, and hear back from someone – Anything. And coming from a place of not being afraid, was the key. Not being afraid they couldn’t handle it. Not being afraid it was the wrong thing. Or would be taken the wrong way. Just knowing what I was saying was the right thing – the only thing – this person at this time expected to hear from me. This is tremendously freeing. To be able to SAY and HEAR ANYTHING.
No, it’s not always been that way. Who hasn’t been Diane Court, amazingly hopeful, also disappointed, afraid, not knowing what to do or what comes next? On a pedestal one minute, then had the rug pulled out, not knowing how bad the fall is going to be? Who hasn’t been Lloyd Dobler – put it all out there, told the truth, gotten smashed? Had the opportunity to be the one with the upper hand, and used it with love? Who hasn’t been Jim Court, wanting to hold onto what you’ve got, while you’re losing everything, living in a prison of poor choices and grave mistakes, created out of sheer love, but turned wrong somewhere all because of wanting to protect someone we love? Who hasn’t been looked up to, or the one looking up to them? The one standing on the rug, or the one having the rug pulled out, hard and fast? The one needing a hand, or the one extending it? The mistake maker, or the one the mistake was made against? Who hasn’t been all of them, in one lifetime, at one point or another?
I heard In Your Eyes a whole new way today too, the song Lloyd plays for Diane, yes the iconic with John Cusack holding the boom box in the rain – there’s only a piece of it, here: And if you haven’t watched the movie, DON’T WATCH THIS!! Watch the movie first. But if you’ve seen it, it’s a nice little recap. And you get to hear the song. I like what it says, we’re all complete. Not YOU COMPLETE ME. But we are all complete in each other’s eyes. Especially the eyes of those we love.
Watching this movie again after so many years of experiences…I have a new perspective. And it’s just as wonderful as my perspective when I saw it the first time. It’s one of hope. With a lifetime of education. It’s waking up not knowing every day, but working with what I’ve got, flying, Like Diane, into the future, with people around and behind me, each a Lloyd Dobler, who is turning it UP past the red line. We all are each of the characters, looking up, in anticipation, waiting for it, waiting for it…
DING.
If You Could See What I Hear... 
What’s up that this 80’s kid hasn’t seen every great 80’s movie made? Had a sick day last week. Ate homemade chicken soup and watched The Breakfast Club. Lots of identification and new perspectives for me too. Well, time to grab some popcorn and the remote. Yay!
I haven’t seen say anything, but I love that you’re giving your kids a cultural education. I had none of this growing up. I didn’t really start watching movies until I went to college. But by then, the significance of a lot of it is totally different so it doesn’t have the same effect.
Really wish my parents had shared some of their favorite stuff with me. It’s kind of bizarre now looking back how little they shared with me of themselves. No music, movies, books… It’s like a complete void.
Yea, Kelly,
I don’t know what my life would be like if I DIDN’T share this stuff with my kids. The idea of driving down the road with Barney droning out of the stereo speakers instead of Beastie Boys when my kids were tiny…I can’t imagine it. Or watching Veggie Tales or the Wiggles instead of Beetlejuice….no way. My kids just had to fit into my life, our life – and hit the ground running.
Not to say I didn’t spend hours with Blues Clues and Little Bill playing in the background, or as I sat and watched along, but for every Little Bear or Franklin episode, there was at least one 30 minute Meals or Chopped we shared together as well. And it’s still that way, Elena keeps asking me when we are going to sit down and watch The Perks of Being a Wallflower together. It’s on the list, along with Pretty in Pink.
Today we were at the bookstore and seeing a display, I told her, oh yea, Salinger is out, and she said, Oh what’s that? I was like, uh, he only wrote one of the best books ever. So now I get to introduce her to Catcher in the Rye. And we recently saw a commercial for the remake of Carrie. It looks…well, no match for the original, which creeped the hell out of me. So that’s on the short list too, right in time for Halloween. Perfect.
ooooooo, Perks of Being a Wallflower is really good.
I love the idea of kids fitting into your life, “our life”. I think for so many parents it’s just the kids life. And then they try to create some sort of unrealistic ideal so end up neutering everything about themselves. Can’t let them see who I really am….
SCREW that… ugh, it makes me want to scream just thinking about it…
I watched say anything last night and it really surprised me. While the setting is very much 80’s, the themes explored are incredibly modern, AND totally relevant for my life.
I learned very early on that I couldn’t say anything. That I had to keep what I truly thought bottled up and just say what I thought people wanted to hear. This was especially true around my family, but also extended to my friends, teachers, whomever else was in my life.
There was always a subtle dance going on. An act. Always staying cleverly hidden. Like you said in your post, I always wanted to be the one holding the rug. Holding the power in the relationship. And what better way than to say absolutely nothing that really revealed anything about me?
I think this had an effect of isolating myself from everyone. I had to see myself above them, which precluded genuine interaction. Which precluded genuine emotion. Being able to give and receive love.
But now I’m beginning to see that this doesn’t have to be the case. I have people in my life now where I feel like I can say anything. It was a slow transition to get to this point though. There’d be something really nagging me that I’d want to say, but I’d have these thoughts like “oh, I can’t say THAT, what will they think?”. I believed that if I said the wrong thing the friendship would dissolve and I’d be back in that place of isolation. I was desperately clinging to it, trying to control it, and the only way I knew how to do that was to be very careful with what I said.
But then one day I jumped across this barrier. I said something that went against my better judgment because I felt it needed to be said. And you know what? They totally responded to it. Our friendship jumped to another level. It went better than I could have ever expected. It’s like in that moment I had let that person really see me for the first time. This established a connection that has grown exponentially since then.
It’s like we were two separate systems, existing independently from each other. And in that one moment of genuine expression, in saying something from the heart, in exposing who I was, I extended something from my core. And that person reached out from their core and accepted it. Connected with it. We had established a direct core to core connection. All the façades we put on had been cut through. In this space misunderstanding is impossible. This is a space of pure love. And it has only grown since then.
I think the key here is that it has to come from both sides. I saw a lot in this movie where one side was speaking honestly, and the other was only pretending to. Only when both sides completely let go and drop into that space can something truly special happen.
I never saw this movie, but now I will have to ~ don’t know how I missed it though b/c I thought I knew all of the 80s movies! 🙂