This has been on my mind a lot lately, additional intensifying encounters have shoved it to the forefront of my thoughts…I am going to try to stay focused, but I have so many thoughts running through my head pushing each other out of the way, we’ll see what happens.

I have begun to have the experience lately of making connections while reading.  I receive a lot when reading, like my mind is working parallel-ly.  I don’t think that’s a word, but that’s what it’s doing.  It’s like my thoughts are moving around and I’ve learned to just let them, then within 20 minutes I’ll read something in the book that “validates” my thoughts, and solidifies them and confirms them. I feel I need to insert an example here.  Because it sounds like I’m talking about what’s going on in the book, but it’s not.  This is when I first made the connection – I had an overwhelming feeling that someone in my life that I am connected to spiritually but not physically had died.  In a short amount of time (within a few hours in the morning)  I had a few different indications and “pings” that kept telling me this was true.  So I told myself that if someone in the book died in the next few pages, then my thoughts would be confirmed.  And I almost thought that as a joke because the book I was reading was an autobiography and there wasn’t any chance at all of anyone dying in it.  I actually thought, ha ha, that’s not going to happen, almost tauntingly.  But after having the thought, and dismissing it as silly, on the next page a completely peripheral character that had only been mentioned once in the beginning of the book died.  It takes a lot to freak me out, but that did it.  It was so specific, the timing was exact.  I couldn’t deny it, or the feeling that reading those words brought up for me initially, followed by indescribable feelings of love, calm and peace.  I don’t even have a way to find out if this person had died, and it doesn’t matter.  I know,  I was shown, and it’s ok.  I’ve learned that sometimes you get answers without getting all the details and that’s ok.  It has to be ok.

This new occurrence of receiving while reading is funny because to read I actually have to sit down for a little bit and that’s hard for me.  But, this has become a valid tool for me, so I acknowledge it and accept it.  So that brings me to today’s topic at hand – the dark night of the soul.  Actually, it seems my son wants french toast, so this post will have to be continued.  But this is the beginning of understanding my duality, something I’ve had on my mind so much lately, why it is that I work in the light, but am drawn to the dark.  I’ve been given a key – through words in the pages of a book.

I’ve been given lots of keys lately, through books, people, relationships, conversations.  Things are clicking, cogs turning.  I feel like an animal running on all fours, gaining speed.  Actually, that’s a recurring dream I sometimes have – I’m an animal running, feeling like I’m grabbing at the ground and pushing it away as I run to gain momentum.  The feeling that comes with it is wild, free, gaining and expanding.  I love it when I feel that way in real life.  It feeds me.

Here’s to hoping you are feeling fed today.  Time for french toast.

Advertisements