So anyone that reads this blog knows Clairvoyant Girl of http://aclairavoyantjourney.wordpress.com/ and I are on similar paths.  Mine in the suburbs outside of Austin Texas, hers in the foothills in Colorado.  We have spoken many times, usually parallel-ly about paths, she experiences seeing the same numbers (3:33, 5:55, 11;11, 12:34) over and over again, as I always do.  She has issues with uncovering the light, and being fully into who she is – and setting that shine for the world to see.  As do I.   So, this post is for everyone, but especially dedicated to my sister Clairgirl.  I hope you find your voice again soon.

OK, I’ve had the idea forever about having classes for others to uncover their clairvoyant/psychic selves.  To have a group that openly discusses their gifts, out in the open, not with whispers afraid of who will overhear, or having to preface a thought with…this may sound weird, or you may think I’m crazy….I always tell my clients – you CAN’T freak me out.  Leave that stuff behind when we sit together – just talk without fear of judgement.  And I haven’t been close to being freaked out yet!  The reason for a group to meet is so people can see that we all have SOMETHING – many people have shared with me that they USED to have “IT” – whatever their “IT” is, but felt they’ve lost it, and want to get it back.  So, I’ve prefaced the story with that.

After meeting a fellow clair – by an amazing turn of events – I finally got up the courage to approach a local coffee shop, a place I thought would be great – large enough to accommodate a decent sized group, that had a good feel to it.  Close enough to town that people from farther south would come, but those of us in the burbs wouldn’t have to drive downtown.  So I spoke with the incoming owner (the place is changing hands apparently) and she was excited about me having classes there – until I told her more about what they were for.  Then her WHOLE energy changed.  Her smile was still pasted on, but I could feel the wall come up and the fear right along with it.  The sudden judgement.  I asked her what she thought of that, although I already knew the answer.  She said, “I DON’T FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT.”  Smile still pasted on.  The only thing I could do was thank her, wish her a good day, and turn around and walk out.

I went out and sat in my truck.  So many feelings coming up it was hard to decifer them.

SADNESS. DISAPOINTMENT. FEELING JUDGED.  that old familiar feeling of WHO DO I THINK I AM? but behind all of that something even MORE FAMILIAR.  the feeling that I have felt all of this before, but on a WAY larger scale.  That brought up some fear, which I needed to look at, but I shelved it and called my new clair friend – I needed a confidence boost.  She was AWESOME, and told me everything I already know, what I would have told anyone else…but couldn’t tell myself.  It just wasn’t the place.  Keep going, chin up.  Maybe this is something bigger than just meeting in a coffee shop.  She stoked the fire that I was ready to let go back to that tiny ember that just burns in my mind.  She gave me the boost I needed, that little key that kept the cogs turning.  That conversation reminded me that our connections are so important, those little boosts.  SO to that friend I say

NAMASTE!

SO, on to part two, the part that’s really for ClairGirl – the unfurling of emotions that continued from that one coffee shop denial.  And this is the part that kept unwinding throughout that day and night.  There was something deep that got scratched, something that has been there for a long time.  That has been there over lifetimes.  Going back and back and back when judgement wasn’t just a painted on smile that went along with a NO, but when revealing one’s self, or having one’s self revealed brought physical pain, torture, death.  The fear is deep seated, THAT’S the fear we face.  Not of SELF ACCEPTANCE, but of ACCEPTANCE of WHO WE ARE BY OTHERS.  That’s where I teeter, constantly.  That’s what keeps me from taking those steps into oblivion, because it really is like stepping off a ledge, out LITERALLY not knowing if it’s into open arms of acceptance, or out into the open arena where the lions are waiting to tear us limb from limb.  These are the things that we face that are fear creators. So, that’s legitimate, for then.  And some things came up that showed me that clearly.  Some memories from way way back, during darker times.  That’s the only way to say it without going into it and making this post even longer than it already is.  I wonder, does this ring true for anyone else?  I’ve been studying past lives (again), been led back to it and I’m…remembering.   But that was then.  I need to let the fear be what it is for now.  Not what it was then.  I’m working on acknowledging it, accepting it, but also having it be what it is for THIS time.  This is part of the peeling of the onion for me, all those layers, all those lives, all that pain, and let it go.  So I can be who I am NOW, and be the connector I am here to be.  So for today, for everyone, NAMASTE.

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