I just want to write a quick note on how much this blog helps me clear my mind.  I appreciate anyone and everyone that stops by to read, comment (especially comment!), visit with me for a reading or cares to listen to what I have to say.  I’ve been going through a transitional time lately, feeling – like I said, spacey- and this blog helps to ground me if only by allowing me to record my thoughts and keep them safe in this place.   So, thank you blog, and thank you readers.   I appreciate you.

In the past I have had real issues with transition, and I’ve gotten better about it, but I’ve got to say, this year has thrown me into a bit of a tailspin.  I’m writing to get a grasp on it…and am already seeing it clearer than I did before I started typing…

School getting out is always difficult for me.  I go from having a structured schedule to a much less structured schedule and that’s difficult for me.  One of the reasons is I like to be busy.  Hmm, let’s rephrase that.  I thrive on being busy.  I rarely sit down.  So when summer happens I have to kind of readjust myself and my way of thinking – too much more downtime.  This year is a little harder I think because my kids are transitioning themselves, one from elementary school to middle, one from middle to high school.  THEY are rolling with it like the champs they are, but me…for some reason this time always has to be rocky for me.  Like I said, it’s gotten better over the years…fall used to be a real killer, as well as when they get out for winter break.  But there are some other things going on for me in addition to the school thing.

I’m seeing that it’s time for me to detach from some people and some things that I had been pretty heavily involved with.  I’m ok with it, but the unsticking is…difficult.  I know for all things a season, and that things and people come and go into and out of our lives, but it’s compounding this…transition.  Funny thing is, it’s a repeated lesson, one I’ve gone through before.  So many signals have shown me this, which is a frustration, but this repeated lesson showing itself again, in duplicate, causes me to pause, acknowledge, reflect, and do something differently.  What that is, – and here’s the kicker – I don’t know. Yet.  I do know the lesson is very similar but not the exact same, which is a good thing.  It has not presented the same difficulties as the one prior.  So maybe (wait, I’m sure) I’m doing something….righter?  this time.  Just how right waits to be seen.  SIGH.  One thing I can say is that detachment is lonely, a feeling which, in my line of “work” comes with the territory, and I accept it, but it doesn’t make it feel any less lonely.

So all this leads to that spacey feeling – moving backwards while walking forward, feeling disoriented, at a crossroads, but not knowing which way to turn.  The thing is, I’ve got so much going on, in a few different areas, that I can’t be spacey for long.  I can’t afford to, so my intention for today is that this quickly passes, and I’m set back up proper.  But for now, if you see me, and I’ve got that far away look in one of my eyes, you’ll know why, and please for now, forgive it.

 

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