I’m gonna try a short little post here – regarding the greatest heckler – my EGO.
The other day after having no sleep whatsoever I was doing my best to look presentable. And let me tell you, it wasn’t pretty. While applying morning make up looking right into the mirror it started in with the negative chatter. THE EGO.
Oh wow, this totally isn’t working. You are NEVER going to get rid of those circles. EEK, too bad you can’t go back to BED.
Getting louder – You really think you are going to pull this off? Yea, not working. Then it moved on to the next subject, do you really think people want to hear what you have to say? (this is one of my EGO’s Favorite Subjects.)
Do you think people really INSERT NEGATIVE CHATTER HERE. Blah Blah Blah.
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So I just let it. Didn’t try to stop it, didn’t cower down and let it run me over. Just let it run the cycle, finish the loop. And then it just stopped short. didn’t know what to do. Kind of like a two-year old pitching a fit, my ego looked back at me in the mirror, dumbfounded.
Are you done? I asked? and the response was, “yea, this isn’t any fun if you aren’t going to play.” Sulking almost.
Then I went back to getting ready. And I guess my ego went back to bed. Because it left me alone for the rest of the day.
If You Could See What I Hear... 
I love this. I can so relate. My Ego taunts me all the time, especially telling me that people don’t want to hear from me, I am not worthy…. I used your technique the morning before my conference and just ignored it. I let it play out and then just carried on.
I love your posts! Have a great night my friend, oh yea. by the way..I am pretty sure you wake up looking beautiful!
🙂 Thank you on thinking I wake up beautiful…you are such a dear! Using this technique was almost a sureal feeling. I really did feel like I was looking my Ego in the eye – almost like a superimposed picture of myself over my own image. and it was like it shocked it. Like, oh, crap, she can see me. I’d never really done that before. And it wasn’t like it was super powerful, like I was all “I’m standing in my own power” kind of stuff. It was just like, “really? Ya done?”. That was it. Just, shut it down. I’m going to be using that again, for sure. So happy to hear your conference went well. Want to honor you for stepping out and sharing your lights – wonderful work you are doing. 🙂 Much Love my dear friend 🙂
I connected to exactly what you are describing, it was if I was right there. Saw how it happened and the felt the brow furrow and the shake of the head with the thought of…”really”??? I know that it isn’t all fixed but it was as if the magic had lifted…the illusion spell was not cast.
Thank you for your support, I have to say that you are an amazing leader and have continued to motivate me ever since I found your blog. The work you do, the time you invest in everyone is truly beautiful! you are a beautiful light, a spirit full of love. 🙂
mmmmmm, that’s wonderful. It reminds me of a really awesome book I read recently. “Embracing Your Inner Critic” by Hal and Sidra Stone. It really helped me get some perspective on what was happening with those inner voices, and see them in a completely different light.
Here’s a few quotes from it that I highlighted.
“No matter how much you try, you cannot please your inner critic. No matter how much you listen to it and try to change yourself in the way that it wants, it follows you and grows stronger. It is exactly like a parent who has been critical of you. Nothing that you do this okay. The harder you try to change yourself, the stronger it gets. The answer is to learn how not to play the game.”
“Since its main job is to protect you from being too vulnerable in the world, it must know everything about you that might be open to attack from the outside”.
This is an observation they were making from therapy sessions they were holding.
“The more the client would try to rid themselves of the critic, the stronger it would grow inside. The trick, we learned, was to let the parts speak, to understand who they were and how they developed, and to learn how to use them properly in life.”
“In the course of your personal development, as you take back the authority and purpose of your life that is rightfully yours, you develop a capacity for awareness that is decisively greater than the original power of the critic. With this new power and authority available to you, you have the possibility of redeeming the inner critic so that it can begin to function in a very different way in your life, a way that supports who and what you are. The realization that your inner critic is not a heavenly emissary speaking absolute truth is a great step forward and taking back this power.”
“The emphasis of too much therapy and too much personal growth work is on trying to find out what is wrong with people and then fixing them. So long as therapists and teachers are parental “knowers” inner critics will gain weight. Rather than discovering what is wrong, we must discover who we are and how we work. Let us become aware of the amazing system of selves that lives inside of us and see how they interact. Then let us learn to have more choice in how to use them.”
“One of the greatest challenges in learning to deal with the inner critic is to begin to recognize that the content of what is being said is not important. It is the energy behind it that is central to our understanding. No matter how good or how well meant the reaction of the critic, if it is said with a knife then the issue is to recognize the energy of the voice and to realize that it is wielding a dangerous weapon against you. You can deal with the details of the content at some other time.”
“Now let us think about what happens when your parents have actually been insensitive or, worse yet, abusive. The critic models itself on the outer authorities, so, in this case, it will model itself on your abusive parents. If your parents abuse you, your critic will abuse you in a similar fashion. If your parents live shame-based lives, they will shame you. And your critic, in turn, will pick up their messages and shame you. And the inner critic usually increases the intensity of the abuse just to be sure that you will be adequately protected and prepared for what might come in from the outside.”
“Once you become aware of the inner critic as a child abuser, you can move in and treat it in much the same way that you break into the outer cycle of child abuse. The inner critic learned how to parent you by listening to your own parents. If they were abusive, it repeats their abuse “for your own good”.”
I could go on and on with these, but that’s probably good enough for now…
It’s interesting… after reading your post I realized I hadn’t thought about my inner critic in a long time. And it’s not just that I hadn’t thought about it, it’s like it’s not there anymore. I just has a whisper of the strength it used to. And when it does flare up I don’t react to it anymore. I sink into the energy behind it and work at that level. It’s much easier releasing the emotion behind it than trying to reason with it intellectually.
I still worry quite a bit, but that’s a story for another time… 😉
Story for another time, eh? Glad I’ll be around to hear it. 🙂 Also, wanted to mention, I loved how you asked that guy to get up and move the other day at the coffee shop. The Kelly I met at the Thai place never would have done that – I don’t think. And it was even funnier because when you asked and he kind of sat there for a second thinking, you had this,yea, yea, come on move it, I don’t have all day look on your face. LOVED that. so funny.
lolllllllllll, yeah, I was “asking” him to move, but it felt more like I was telling him to. Just cleverly disguising it.