Tag Archive: passing

Today is a terribly sad day for me, and most of the people in my community.  We lost a dear friend, sister, co-conspirator, hand holder, inspirer.  For me, a fellow Soccer Mom.  A wonderful smile and contagious laugh.  A cozy place to plop down and sit for a minute and shoot the breeze if she was in her office when I popped in.  It was time for her to go back home.  My heart hurts not for her, but for her family, and everyone she touched with her AMAZING smile.  My heart ACHES  for us today.  Christine, my gorgeous sassy friend, I am missing you today.

Christine had Cancer.  And since her passing I’ve heard a few people saying, “She lost her fight with cancer.”  And this makes me really, REALLY mad.  No way, Christine never lost a fight with ANYTHING.  Maybe conceded, or let the other person “think” they won maybe – sure, maybe.  But LOSE a fight?  Now way.

I’ve heard people say that – She lost her fight with cancer, or oh, he finally lost his battle with cancer.  WHY WOULD YOU SAY THIS?  I’ve never understood it.  Why would you lessen what that person went through, what their families have gone through and will continue to endure?  To say they “LOST THE FIGHT”.  NO WAY, SCREW THAT!!!!!!!!!!!

Christine didn’t lose.  Christine didn’t give up, or lose a battle.  With cancer, you don’t have a choice.  It does what it does and you don’t really get a say.  Yes, some people survive, but it’s not because they fought any harder than anyone else, it’s what was in their cards.

So please, PLEASE stop saying people “lost” their fight with cancer.”   If you need to think something lost and something won – in reality the Soul lost the fight with the Body.  The pull from Heaven or Spirit, or the Divine or the One was too great, and the Soul went home.  For me, this is the only fight I will accept.


An amazing reunion happened yesterday, Someone many, many people love, cherished, honored and was continuously inspired by – A FIGHTER – went home yesterday.  Christine, thank you for sharing yourself with me.  Thank you for sharing yourself with Everyone at Pleasant Hill Elementary – for loving EVERY child that walked through that door, for making their transition into school days easier – including my own two.  For this I cherish you.  For the laughs we shared, I cherish you.  Even when you were the one there diverting the tardy kids into the office for late slips (many of which my kids received) with your arms open wide, with a smile to match it – “Into the office, Baby – Why you late today?  Mama oversleep again?” and that wink, that laugh, then a hug for me – you were always loving and kind.  I am blessed and happy to say I knew you.  I love you and miss you, my dear, dear friend.  We all do.


Hello Everyone –

I have been receiving emails from around the planet.  I received one that opened something up for me, and I wanted to share my response here – If I get the go ahead from the sender, I will share the original email in comments below.  I invite you to KEEP sharing your personal experiences here – we are connected and meant to speak up – share our stories.  Thank you to everyone who has shared theirs.

Thank you so much for the wonderful email.  We share that connection of receiving information – and then having that overwhelming sick feeling when what we were seeing finally makes sense.  Ugh, I know that exact feeling in that exact moment.  I hope that is subsiding a bit today for you, as for me, I am seeing something amazing.
Those of us who “saw” or “felt” prior to the event – we are meant to be something like the pole that holds up a massive tent – that’s the best way of explaining – and funny, originally I saw an umbrella, then said that about the tent, and spirit said to me, NO – say an umbrella!  So, OK!  we are like the supporting pole of an umbrella – meant to stand up WHERE WE ARE and project love and light to hold up this huge web of supporting love for others.  That’s our jobs in this time.
I am also seeing something else – the part of How The Grinch Stole Christmas – when the Grinch steals the Who’s gifts and they sing anyway.  Their joy lifting up to grow the Grinch’s heart.
This is overwhelming to me.  A Love and Joy is growing that is expanding up and over the broken-hearted, love rising up through the cracks of pain and grief.  Holding those in pain with compassion.  Pulling them into ourselves and offering our own hearts to offer relief and comfort and expecting nothing in return.  Now I understand the umbrella.  We are each making the choice to open our own umbrellas one to cover another, opening here and there, all over, to create one large cover of love.  I ask you – please open your umbrella and let’s connect to get through this together.
In Pain…LOVE
In Heartbreak…A SONG
In Hopelessness…A HUG
Thank you to everyone who has written me privately, or posted comments to the blog.
There is work to be done.

OK, so I know I’m always talking about how when someone dies they are done with what they are supposed to do here, and they are just taking the next step on the path, I just had that EXACT conversation yesterday.  And I do really believe that, and I know it’s true.  But right now I don’t care about that. This sucks.

I grew up listening to the Beastie Boys.  Their music is like a soundtrack to my life, as so many other people have said today. I remember being a sheltered Catholic School girl in Middle School and hearing Licensed to Ill and just thinking – what the hell is this, who are these guys?? –  in High School driving around blasting Paul’s Boutique on CASSETTE with all my windows down, head bobbin’. When my kids were tots and other moms were driving around listening to freakin’ BARNEY and Wiggles and whatever such shit, my little ones were cold chillin’ to Brass Monkey and Hey Ladies, singing along to Funky Boss.  Any road trip included at least one full play of Paul’s Boutique.  Still does.  DAMN IT!! I’m sad and lonely feeling and stupid emotional – not because I care one bit about celebrities – I’m not into that, but because I feel like a childhood friend died.  It’s crazy.  Not only am I sad for that piece of the past it feels like is lost, but for all the bad ass music I won’t be hearing in the future that Adam Yauch would have had a hand in putting out there.


I’m bummed.  I’m bummed my kids won’t see them live.  I was stoked when I heard they were touring this last time around, looking forward to buying ticket and going as a family, so the kids could see this freakin’ phenominal band I had (as well as they had) grown up with.  But that’s not to be.  I’m about as equally bummed out about it as I am that I never got to see Johnny Cash play live.  Actually more.  But I am glad that I got to see them a few times, getting a bloody nose at one show.  Hung out with them after another, shared a meal after even another.  What a great bunch of guys.  To me at least, just nice.  Jeez, this blows.


Today I was driving with my husband and we made it to Pass the Mic before I got teary.  I was sad and mad at the same time.  When I was a kid and Elvis died, my mom cried.  Now I fully understand why.  Now my mom was crazy about Elvis, but it was more than that.  Now I get it.  The music is just kind of a part of who you are.  What a beautiful and crazy thing.

I know that cancer is just a vehicle, doing what it’s supposed to do to relieve the body of it’s soul, but I’m pissed at cancer right now.  It’s done it’s job – and taken my favorite Beastie Boy – the one with the best voice, and that quirky little smile.  I know you’re doing your thing somewhere else, somewhere, soaring.  That’s great for everyone there, but for now, it really sucks for us.

No matter how old I am when Paul Revere comes on, I crank it, the windows go down, my head bobs and I’m 20 again.

Thanks MCA for the good times.  Namaste.


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